


The Story of Brave Sir Shaw

by obsolete_theory (ersatzbeta)



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 13:12:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1606409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ersatzbeta/pseuds/obsolete_theory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sir Shaw was the best knight in the land. Only one little quest stood between him and happily-ever-after--the princess was as good as his. (Now where was he going to find a magic snake?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Story of Brave Sir Shaw

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written 4/24/14 for the following prompt on LJ:
> 
> "Gojyo/Hakkai: Fairytale AU. Once upon a time... (it doesn't need to be a whole fairytale with that beginning, even one-liners are great as long as it's fairytalish in any way. Kingdoms, dragons, royalty, magic, unusual takes, anything would be fine)."
> 
> And, of course, I misread the prompt just a little bit. Crack ensued. Also, magic snakes. XD
> 
>  
> 
> .

  
"So yeah, knight on a quest here. Kinda in a hurry."

 

The priest stared at him and blinked from behind his spectacles like he'd never seen a knight on a quest before.

 

The knight in question was smelly and dirty from a hard ride to save the fair maiden and the kingdom, yadda yadda. He was tired and his eyes were gritty and he only had three damn days left to find the cure for the princess's cursed sleep…poisoning? Deadly disease? The knight wasn't sure anymore what her problem was, but all signs had pointed to this cure--one magical snake, like some kind of living bezoar except it just grew that way and you didn't have to go around chopping random animals up for their insides and risk killing half a goatherd's flock for fucking nothing.

 

And here he was at the magic snake shrine, halfway across the freaking country and up the tallest mountain (because when the fuck were shrines ever convenient?) and his armor was dented and splashed with goat entrails, but fuck it if he wasn't Sir Shaw, the man who never turned down a quest (and, fucking truth, never got to enjoy the spoils, either because some asshat somewhere always got the credit and the girl, goddamnit) and he was going to find him one magic snake, take it back, and win the hand of the fair….whatever her name was.

 

That's what knights did, and Sir Shaw was the best fucking (blueballed to hell and back) knight around.

 

"Magic snake," said Sir Shaw. "I need one. Quest. Princess. Comprende?"  


The priest must have been an idiot, because he continued to stare at him. sir Shaw was man enough to admit that those unblinking green eyes--kind of like a snake, yeesh--were kind of creeping him out, in an above-board, manly kind of way.

 

At last, the priest snapped to, and smiled.

 

"Ah," he said. "Yes. The cure for your quest. Please, this way."

 

He laughed a little, crazy-sounding laugh, like maybe people didn't visit a lot for magic snakes. But Sir Shaw thought of the princess's royal boobs, heaving at the top of a corset, and decided he could tough it out.

 

Sir Shaw shrugged, clanking.

 

The priest stopped and turned to him.

 

"I'm afraid you will need to take your armor off," said the priest.

 

"But I'm a knight!" said Sir Shaw.

 

"The snakes are…delicate," said the priest. "You wouldn't want to frighten them, would you? They can be difficult to handle, at times."

 

So Sir Shaw sighed, and spent the next hour and a half trying to get his fucking armor to cooperate. Eventually, he ended up with a pile on the shrine floor that was half as high as him and twice as wide.

 

"There," said Sir Shaw. "No armor."

 

The shrine was drafty, now that he wasn't being stewed in his own sweat. He shivered, a manly sort of shiver that sent the hairs on his legs rising into goosebumps. The priest noticed and, shit, misinterpreted.

 

"It's all right," said the priest. "The snakes would not harm you. They haven't any fangs, you know."

 

Sir Shaw felt his eyebrows go up and say hi to his hairline.

 

Toothless, magical snakes? The fuck.

 

But…princess boobs trumped all in the game of knighthood.

 

Sir Shaw followed the priest into a secondary chamber of the shrine. Its doorway had a huge tapestry with a particularly fearsome-looking snake on it, and, somewhere behind it, he heard a hiss. But maybe that was only him, because giant magic snakes that might not be able to bite but could totally squeeze you to death if the tapestry was anything like reality?

 

Princess boobs, thought Sir Shaw. Princess boobs. Great big heaving princess boobs. He almost didn't feel himself brushing past the tapestry. Princess boobs. He closed his eyes and tried to bring himself to a state of knightly calm.

 

 

So of course he missed the part where the priest took off his priestly robes, and so Sir Shaw was launched directly from princess boobs and right into the reality of fondling the priest's junk.

 

Sir Shaw let out a manly screech and looked walleyed at the priest.

 

"You did want the magic snake, did you not?" said the priest. "I assure you, it will cure you of all your ills."

 

"You're shitting me," said Sir Shaw.

 

The priest demonstrated some of the snake's charms and Sir Shaw felt his jaw drop. How…that wasn't even possible, was it?

 

Sir Shaw's hand, led by the priest, returned to its former resting place.

 

Sir Shaw swallowed, hard.

 

"All my problems?" he said.

 

The priest smiled at him.

 

"You will never have to worry about satisfying the demands of a princess ever again, I promise."

 

 

 

And so it was that brave Sir Shaw became Initiate Shaw of the Cult of the Magic Snake, and he spent his days in blissful, princess-free religious studies under the stern tutelage of Dedicate Kai.

 

Thanks to the magic snake, Initiate Shaw never worried about a princess ever again.

 


End file.
